Friendship Isn’t Just About Feeling Seen

When you only seek sameness, you miss the beauty of difference.

Campbell Addy. Adut Akech, 2019. i-D, “The Homegrown Issue,” no. 355, Spring 2019.

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Every year, somewhere on social, I remind folks:
You need to expand your friend circle.

If all your friends look like you, think like you, or are in the same life stage, you’re likely not growing; you’re getting reinforced.

Now, don’t get me wrong, reinforcement feels good. It’s affirming. It tells you you’re right, validates your choices, and cushions you from friction. But you get too much of it, and you end up in an echo chamber. An echo chamber might feel safe, but it quietly stunts your growth and keeps you from evolving your beliefs and seeing the world through a wider lens.

We all want friends who feel like home. But home is often just what’s familiar. And when everything is familiar, growth doesn’t stand a chance.

Then, when we do try to branch out and join a new group and meet people who aren't like us, we’re taught to perform our way into belonging.
This isn’t that kind of post.
This is a “that ain’t it” post.

Let me share a few things to consider as you broaden both your circle of friends and your emotional capacity to embrace the differences and discomfort that go along with it.

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Update the Container

I remember a very specific night in a club. I looked around and realized…we all looked the same. Different versions of the same trend, dancing to the same beat, shouting the same lyrics in unison.

Sure, we all need a moment like this. But this particular time mirrored exactly how my life felt at the time—like I was in a sealed container where everything reflected me back to myself.

There’s nothing wrong with alignment.
But when your world is always a mirror, and never a window, it becomes easy to confuse comfort for connection, sameness for safety, repetition for meaning.

To grow, you need friction. I’m not talking about drama and arguments.
I’m talking about the friction that comes from not getting the joke. Understand this, I will NEVER get a joke if it comes from movies or television.
I’m talking about the friction you’ll feel from having to ask questions or being curious instead of being quick to explain your “point.”

You need to be around people who do life differently, whose stories, values, and ways of moving through the world stretch you.

It builds your capacity to listen without needing to jump in.
To listen and not defend.
To listen and just…understand.

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A Few Gentle Entry Points

• Say yes to something outside your usual routine.

• Talk to someone who isn’t a peer and ask what they’re learning.

• Read (books and articles) and listen (podcasts) widely—especially to ideas that challenge you.

• Sit in the discomfort of not relating.

• Make space for agenda-less coffee chats.

• Resist the urge to chime in. My tried and true: “I’ve never considered that. Let me sit with it.”

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Stop Managing Perception

Every so often, someone will send me a long follow-up message apologizing for something they said in conversation that I didn’t even notice.

But I get it. We’re so conditioned to perform goodness.
To manage how we’re perceived.
To say, “I’m a good person, right?”
Even when nothing was wrong.

Let’s stop over-apologizing unless we truly said or did something that needs repair. Because when you’re managing perception, you’re not connecting.
You’re performing.

And nothing real grows where everyone is performing.

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I’ve got two friends—one in her 60s, one almost 80 (and would probably kill me for saying that). We walk, do lunch, and catch up over wine on the porch. I’ve met their kids and grandkids. One and I have butted heads over women’s issues with, but we always know where to pause. We care more about us than the debate.

The other once said, “I’m a Libra. I don’t have many opinions about much.” We cracked up over coffee.

I’ve got younger friends, friends from different genders, industries, and worldviews.
I wasn’t taught how to do that.
Most of us weren’t.
We were raised on BFF culture and good vibes only.

But there’s more range than that.
This isn’t about doing friendship perfectly.

It’s about making room.
For difference.
For nuance.
For real.

Sometimes, growth and goodness live outside the echo, and life is way better when your friendships stretch and hold you.

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Listen to: 🔴 227: From Ghosting to Growth: Relationship Skills, Brand Talk & Beauty as Medicine

About Me

I’m Myleik Teele, an entrepreneur, coach, and community builder. Over the past decade, I have built, scaled, and closed CURLBOX, creating a blueprint for modern brand-building and cultivating thriving communities both online and in real life. Now, my focus is on helping people—from high-level entrepreneurs and executives to those simply trying to create a life that feels good—play bigger while actually enjoying the journey.

If you’re ready to grow—without the pressure to be perfect—and build a life that truly feels like yours, you’re in the right place. You can also find me on Instagram and my podcast, where I dive into life, business, and everything in between.