This was REALLY GOOD! I lost a friend last year because I told her I did not have the capacity for what she required of me and she thought that was rejection!
Friendships, especially those I've been in that have lasted 6,7, 10 years, teach you that truly loving someone is letting them exist as they are in this moment. I think it's such a deep kind of intimacy to love someone through all different versions of themselves...and yet there HAS to be mutuality. You cannot make the compromise and repair a one-sided effort then call it being a low maintenance friend. That's when it becomes toxic.
Letting people be who they are was the most freeing and liberating thing I did three years ago. As I have continued to embrace the journey instead of apply friction by holding on to what was, this has set me free. And what I mean by free is, free from letting myself down by assigning what I had in mind for the friend which was 90% of my hurt which I was causing myself. My life is blissful now because I let go of what I had in mind and focus on being the friend I can be in the season I’m currently in. Thanks for saying this out loud
This I read after just reminding my 9 year old that she doesn’t need to compete for friendship because she’s a good friend 😀. The part staying with me is understanding who I’m a good friend for and who might be a good friend for me. Thank you!
I SO needed to read this today. You articulated a feeling and an experience I’ve been struggling with but couldn’t put the words to: there are no instructions or a manual or a compass for friendships. I’ll be meditating on the following question: What is the RIGHT friend for me at this stage of my life?
Love this Myleik. I’ve found as I get older I feel a deeper need for my friends and community, but definitely the right friend for me and the right friend that I am to someone. When you’re younger friendship is such a codependent relationship and that seeps into some parts of adulthood. But when you find your core it’s a beautiful blessing. But friendships like any other relationship doesn’t work without honesty. Love that you touch on the honesty part.
This was such a sobering and honest read. It felt like you put words to a season I’m currently walking through. The recent changes in my life have definitely impacted how I show up within my own community, so this resonated deeply. Reading this made me feel seen, understood, and reminded that I’m not alone in navigating these shifts. Thank you for sharing Myleik.
I think back to teen magazines I read growing up. They obsessed over teaching us what boys like, how to make them like us, how to be good in relationships, what pitfalls to look out for. We got so much preparation for romantic relationships but none for platonic ones. It's like we take platonic relationships for granted, so no one discusses what it means to find the right friendships and be a good friend.
Needed to read this today as a core friendship group ive known for over 20 years seems to be drifting away...ive been sad, mad, tried to figure out how to help us get better at seeing each other but now im more ambivalent and accepting what is...I love them dearly but as you stated, it may not be what I need right now.
I saw this today, the morning after my best friend of 4 years and I “broke up”. You spoke and gave me language and permission for so much of what I felt as we navigated one of the inevitable reckoning seasons of life that you touched on. Thankfully we both were emotionally mature and self aware enough to recognize our friendship season needed to end, but so many friendships die without that and so many of us are dealing with the pain and grief of friendship losses without language or safe spaces that get it. Thank you for writing this. I also thank God for the timeliness of it with my situation. It really encouraged and soothed my soul in this moment.
This was REALLY GOOD! I lost a friend last year because I told her I did not have the capacity for what she required of me and she thought that was rejection!
Friendships, especially those I've been in that have lasted 6,7, 10 years, teach you that truly loving someone is letting them exist as they are in this moment. I think it's such a deep kind of intimacy to love someone through all different versions of themselves...and yet there HAS to be mutuality. You cannot make the compromise and repair a one-sided effort then call it being a low maintenance friend. That's when it becomes toxic.
AGREE.
Letting people be who they are was the most freeing and liberating thing I did three years ago. As I have continued to embrace the journey instead of apply friction by holding on to what was, this has set me free. And what I mean by free is, free from letting myself down by assigning what I had in mind for the friend which was 90% of my hurt which I was causing myself. My life is blissful now because I let go of what I had in mind and focus on being the friend I can be in the season I’m currently in. Thanks for saying this out loud
This I read after just reminding my 9 year old that she doesn’t need to compete for friendship because she’s a good friend 😀. The part staying with me is understanding who I’m a good friend for and who might be a good friend for me. Thank you!
Right. Let's figure out who you're a good friend FOR without making people who don't necessarily mesh with the villain.
Love this! Very fitting for this current season of my life.
I SO needed to read this today. You articulated a feeling and an experience I’ve been struggling with but couldn’t put the words to: there are no instructions or a manual or a compass for friendships. I’ll be meditating on the following question: What is the RIGHT friend for me at this stage of my life?
Love this Myleik. I’ve found as I get older I feel a deeper need for my friends and community, but definitely the right friend for me and the right friend that I am to someone. When you’re younger friendship is such a codependent relationship and that seeps into some parts of adulthood. But when you find your core it’s a beautiful blessing. But friendships like any other relationship doesn’t work without honesty. Love that you touch on the honesty part.
Great read. I want a friendship to feel like home. A place where we both feel safe to be. Designed by us.
And I think it’s important to note — there will (and should be) friction.
So grounding and authentic !👌
this is necessary, sobering and beautiful
...and grown.
I needed this reminder !! Going through my season is why I started my substack From The Middle because it’s hard balancing it all as a 30+ girlie
This was such a sobering and honest read. It felt like you put words to a season I’m currently walking through. The recent changes in my life have definitely impacted how I show up within my own community, so this resonated deeply. Reading this made me feel seen, understood, and reminded that I’m not alone in navigating these shifts. Thank you for sharing Myleik.
I think back to teen magazines I read growing up. They obsessed over teaching us what boys like, how to make them like us, how to be good in relationships, what pitfalls to look out for. We got so much preparation for romantic relationships but none for platonic ones. It's like we take platonic relationships for granted, so no one discusses what it means to find the right friendships and be a good friend.
So so good! Thank you for sharing this!
Needed to read this today as a core friendship group ive known for over 20 years seems to be drifting away...ive been sad, mad, tried to figure out how to help us get better at seeing each other but now im more ambivalent and accepting what is...I love them dearly but as you stated, it may not be what I need right now.
I saw this today, the morning after my best friend of 4 years and I “broke up”. You spoke and gave me language and permission for so much of what I felt as we navigated one of the inevitable reckoning seasons of life that you touched on. Thankfully we both were emotionally mature and self aware enough to recognize our friendship season needed to end, but so many friendships die without that and so many of us are dealing with the pain and grief of friendship losses without language or safe spaces that get it. Thank you for writing this. I also thank God for the timeliness of it with my situation. It really encouraged and soothed my soul in this moment.