“It’s not all that,” my mother would say anytime someone around us swooned over relationships or marriage. I can still see the disgust on her face when couples were too affectionate: “They need to get a room.”
She didn’t like seeing people affectionate with each other. To her, love wasn’t safety; it was risk, exposure. I watched my father leave her more than once. When he took the car, her life would be upended, leaving her to walk miles to work. I know their story was complicated, and the message was clear: self-sufficiency was survival.
My story isn’t unique. Many Black women were raised on the same lesson. For generations, we were told — directly and indirectly — that independence was safety. Then cultural messaging backed it up: There aren’t enough good Black men. Focus on your bag. Don’t let a man distract you. Love became something to postpone until after the “safe” life was secured.
And now we’re told we can’t love until we’re “healed” or have enough gold coins, trophies, or degrees. Love has become a luxury, and partnership has become a reward for those who have “done the work.”
Love is not a prize for good behavior or perfect timing. It’s a birthright.
When this topic comes up with clients, I see the hesitation: frozen faces, some eyerolls, and excuses. But those who close the “love gap” in their lives almost always find that a healthy partnership doesn’t slow them down. It accelerates them.
Finding love isn’t easy because it has its own timeline. Your job isn’t to control it, though; it’s to stay open enough that it can recognize you when it arrives. Keep your heart warm.
Like a job that once fit but no longer does, some relationships simply aren’t the right match. That does not mean anything is wrong with you.
Someone replied to a recent thread I posted: “I want to be intentional, but I want love to happen authentically.”
Looking for love is authentic. Being intentional isn’t control; it’s setting an intention without forcing an outcome.
Ready to close your own ‘love gap’?
This is the work I do with clients every day; learning to hold success and intimacy at the same time.
🔴 Work With Me
If you’ve learned to treat wanting love as weakness, it starts to leak out in subtle ways.
You date “casually” forever, pretending you’re unbothered while craving something real.
You lead with achievement because it’s easier than emotion, which might make you seem impressive but distant.
You tell friends, “If it happens, it happens,” while secretly aching for connection.
You show up to dates like it’s a job interview (polished, poised, untouchable), forgetting that connection doesn’t hire you, it meets you.
You end it before it can end you.
You spiritualize the wait: Love will come when I’ve healed enough.
You confuse self-worth with self-containment, mistaking emotional hunger for weakness. But real strength isn’t in refusing help, it’s in allowing yourself to be seen and supported.
You can’t attract what you’re pretending not to want. The moment you stop hiding your desire, you start dating with clarity, and that’s when a real connection becomes possible.
As you plan your year — your launches, your revenue, your workouts, your travels — add love to the list. It doesn’t make you desperate. It makes you honest.
Clearing time on your calendar for connection is not a weakness. Taking the time to work on unhealthy patterns is not overthinking. Learning how to be loved well is a strategy.
So write it down. Say it out loud. And let love be one of your goals, because it belongs in the blueprint of a full, beautiful life.
🔴 Explore my universe.
Coaching, community, podcast, live sessions, and everything I’m building, all in one place.
About Me
I’m Myleik Teele, an entrepreneur, coach, and community builder. Over the past decade, I have built, scaled, and closed CURLBOX, creating a blueprint for modern brand-building and cultivating thriving communities both online and in real life. Now, my focus is on helping people play bigger while actually enjoying the journey.
If you’re ready to grow and build a life that truly feels like yours, you’re in the right place. You can also find me on Instagram and my podcast, where I dive into life, business, and everything in between.
This is such a scary response to your post but I’m just going to go with it. I’m on the opposite side of your post. At a young age, I allowed love to show up after a terrible relationship. I did wait two years to actually open my heart up again, but maybe I was naive and I had no idea how to be intentional about anything, I was 21. I ended up with the marriage, the kids, and all the things, but now I’m in my early 40s, and I’m trying to figure out how to secure the things that are important to me. And that has really been hard!
Life is so wild, because no matter where you are, whether you’re financially stable, a stay-at-home mom, a single parent, married, or anything in between, there always seems to be something missing. Life is… well, I don’t even know what to call it.
LOVE is our birthright is an entire word that I pray finds all of us. We are worthy, we are deserving of intimate, genuine and beautiful love. Great post Myleik