Stop Competing with Your Friends

Most of us don't know what we want, so we watch other people to figure it out.

Tyler Mitchell, Untitled (Communion in a Landscape), 2023

The landscape of comparison is vastly different now. Twenty years ago, you could only measure yourself against someone with a very limited number of markers.

You might have envied someone's job, relationship, or house. But now? You can compare your breakfast, vacation aesthetic, parenting style, morning routine, and even how "soft" your life looks before 9 AM. The list of things to "keep up with" has exploded, and if I were a betting person, I'd say it took our sense of peace with it. It's no longer just what people are doing, but how it looks while they're doing it.

And here's where I see a major issue: We've started mistaking what looks similar for what is the same. Just because we're both posting here on Substack does not mean that what we're doing is the same. What we have to be aware of on these platforms is that they flatten nuance. They make everything look side-by-side. Just because two people are podcasting doesn't mean they're in the same season of life, working toward the same goals, or playing by the same rules. One person might be exploring ideas for the first time, while another is using it as a tool to build their business. Someone else might be looking for a place to express themselves without pressure.

So, just because you and a friend are doing similar things, you are rarely (and I mean rarely) going after the same things. Just because some elements of your lives overlap and your paths run parallel for a moment, that's not a reason to race.

Just because you and a friend launched something doesn't mean you're chasing the same purpose. Just because your lives overlap doesn't mean your paths are meant to.

Quick sidebar:

I once took a job during a career pivot—something simple and purely strategic. My goal then was to stack cash, not build a résumé. It served its purpose, and once it did, I moved on. I stayed in touch with a coworker from that job, and after I pivoted, my income grew more than 20x.

At some point, I realized they assumed that where we met reflected the full scope of my professional journey. They didn't know about the years of experience, the network, or the groundwork I'd laid long before that job. From their view, we had started in the same place but hadn't.

It reminded me how easy it is to draw conclusions based only on what's visible, and how often we miss the bigger story. We start to fill in the blanks with assumptions, projections, and insecurity.

Instead of asking ourselves What might be possible for me?, we ask Why not me? And when that question goes unexamined for too long, it turns something that could be inspiring into something that feels threatening. And when we feel threatened, we might start doing things like:

• Use the friendship as a scorecard instead of a safe space. You start trying to one-up them without realizing it.

• Start chasing what's theirs instead of what's yours.

• Try to downplay their wins or question their intentions as a way to regain a sense of control. Aht-aht!

• Start to distance ourselves because being too close feels too hard.

Slowly, comparison becomes resentment.

And if we're being honest, it's often not, "I don't want you to win."

It's "I'm afraid you'll win before I do."

I don't know how I got to be this way, but I'm wildly confident (almost to the point that I get on my own nerves). I know I'm the only person who can do what I do, how I do it.

You and I could say the same word at the same time, and I'd still believe in the way I say mine. Not because my way is better or worse, but because it is mine.

So if I know I can get mine, I know you can get yours. And I will be right there cheering you on.

What can we do when these feelings come up? Slow down and listen. Name it. Write it down. Ask yourself: What is this showing me about what I desire? Or is it possible I've lost touch with what I actually want?

There's so much JUICE right there for you because most of us don't know what we want, so we watch other people to figure it out. I want to challenge you to sit with that feeling without turning into shame, because with some compassion and curiosity, it might lead you back to yourself.

Here's the mantra I want you to hold: If we are truly friends, your success does not threaten mine; it expands what I believe is possible. Let that be your invitation to shift out of scarcity, stop shrinking, and start rooting for yourself the way you (hopefully) root for them.

Let their wins show you what's possible and stretch your vision, not your insecurity.

Because when can you do that? You're not just free, you're unstoppable.

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About Me

I’m Myleik Teele, an entrepreneur, coach, and community builder. Over the past decade, I have built, scaled, and closed CURLBOX, creating a blueprint for modern brand-building and cultivating thriving communities both online and in real life. Now, my focus is on helping people—from high-level entrepreneurs and executives to those simply trying to create a life that feels good—play bigger while actually enjoying the journey.

If you’re ready to grow without the pressure to be perfect and build a life that truly feels like yours, you’re in the right place. You can also find me on Instagram and my podcast, where I dive into life, business, and everything in between.